You won’t read this. There are too many words on this page.
First you have to update your Facebook with photos from your birthday last weekend, and Tweet about that shocking muffin you just had.
But you could skip that. Because unless you’re naked, famous, or covered in vomit, nobody’s going to care.
After that, check your shares. And wonder why anyone trusts bankers and stockbrokers at all; it’s like giving a fat man a jar of lollies to look after. Then being surprised when the fat bastard has eaten the lot. Num num num.
Evolution is going backwards. People are getting dumber. I’m Xavier Toby. My stand up is about me trying to figure out why.

A writer and comedian, Xavier Toby has been performing stand up in Australia with regular stints in the UK for the past six years.

He's appeared at two Edinburgh Fringe Festivals, and at the 2011 Melbourne International Comedy Festival in 'She Says, He Says' with Kim Hope.

Xavier's Melbourne Fringe Festival 2011 Show 'Binge Thinking' directed by Adam Richard sold out, and Xavier will be taking this show to fringe and comedy festivals around the world.

"Very funny and enlightening ... A lot better than a lot of other comedians working today" Express Media

"Missiles firmly locked onto the Twitter fed factory chickens of tabloid suburbia" Inpress

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