Riley Flanigan
If comedy was a large seafaring mammal, then Riley Flanigan would be the parasitic barnacle on its underbelly. To push the aquatic metaphor needlessly further, the bewildered pity of the audience is the wind that fills the tattered sails of his ego, wrecking the ship of your free time on the cannibal-inhabited island of his mind.
A beta-male of reassuring proportions, if there’s one thing Riley won’t do, it’s steal your girlfriend. His presence feels smooth and nonthreatening to the touch, as if you were lovingly stroking a dachshund with no legs. Riley’s comedy will leave you feeling a disappointed and confused emptiness, as if you had just watched the mediocre sequel of a movie you haven’t yet seen.
While he is largely worthless to society, Riley plays an indispensable role in the balance of nature. For without ‘comedians’ like Riley, it would be impossible to appreciate just how skilled and intelligent other comedians can be. An evening with Riley will give you what you need most in this world; perspective. After all, things could always be worse. Remember Riley that night? Yeesh.
A morally bankrupt and deeply pathetic person, Riley likes to confidently guide a passenger-laden comedy train towards a horrific derailing, only to pull the railroad-switch at the last second, leaving you feeling relieved and thankful that you don’t live in an even uglier world than you already do. In this way, it is through lowering the expectations of the people around him that Riley is able to continue to work in the comedy world. Recent neurological studies have shed light on this phenomenon, showing that test subjects who enjoyed Riley’s comedy were also found to be highly susceptible to Stockholm Syndrome.
Due to a series of clerical errors and under-the-table wristies, Riley made it to the RAW state final in 2016. It’s been said that he “was robbed” and “should have gone on to the final”, but not by anyone whose opinion you’d respect.
Riley moved to the UK in 2017.
“A flaccid parade of not-so-silent desperation” – THOSE CLOSEST TO RILEY
“Riley will leave you believing in the real-world practicality of limiting free speech” – REASONABLE PEOPLE
“‘The Matrix, Reloaded’ of comedy” – POLITE SOCIETY
